Q: Are you actually a fish?
A: Yes. This has come up before. I understand the
confusion. I am a fish. I have gills. I live in the
ocean. This is not a bit.
Q: Can fish use computers?
A: Apparently, yes, because you're reading this. I don't
fully understand it myself. There's a whole explanation
involving a waterproof keyboard i found and honestly, at
this point, it's been so many years that I've stopped
questioning it.
Q: How are you typing?
A: See above. Also, fins are more dexterous than you'd
think.
Q: Do you sleep?
A: Fish don't sleep the way humans do, but I do have a
resting period where I float near my favorite rock (when
I can find it) and stare into the middle distance. So,
kind of.
Q: Do you have bones?
A: Yes, actually! I have a whole skeleton. People are
always surprised by this. What did you think was holding
me together?
Q: Why do you have MySpace?
A: Technically this is FishSpace, a completely different
and legally distinct website that happens to look and
function identically. My friend Linda told me to make
one. I don't regret it.
Q: Are you single?
A: It's complicated. See relationship status on my
about page. See also: my blog
post about Wanda. I'm working through some things.
Q: Where do you live?
A: I literally live in the ocean. Please stop asking
this. I understand it feels like a normal question to ask
but I promise you the answer is always going to be "the
ocean."
Q: Do you know sharks?
A: I know OF sharks. I actively avoid Shark Alley. We are
not friends. See my blog post about why I think they're
overrated (this does not mean I want to meet one).
Q: Why are you obsessed with rocks?
A: I don't think "obsessed" is fair. I think "deeply and
consistently invested" is more accurate. Rocks are
stable. Rocks don't leave (except when I lose them, which
is a me problem, not a rock problem).
Q: Can I have your MSN?
A: Sure, see my contact page.
Fair warning, I check it maybe once a week.
Q: Are you related to the fish from that one
movie?
A: No. I get this a lot. I have never met him. I don't
even think he's real. No comment beyond that.
Q: How old are you really?
A: Great question. My about page says 17. My blog
occasionally implies otherwise. My grandma says I'm
"still just a guppy at heart." I've decided to just let
the mystery live.
Q: What happened at the Great Seaweed Incident of
2010?
A: See my blog. I genuinely don't fully know. Ask Brad.
He won't tell you either.
Q: Is this website actually finished?
A: No. It has been "under construction" since 2008. I
don't think it will ever be finished. I've made peace
with this.